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Recall one of the genre’s preëminent cautionary tales, the 2014 piece that announced the return of the monocle as a men’s fashion item but failed to find more than one dude who would actually cop to wearing one, which is still one more monocle-wearing dude than I’ve ever seen. On the one hand, voluntarily paying for your date’s three-dollar drink, as one of the men in question did, only to demand reimbursement the next day is an act of pure pettiness.

So the Venmo exposé may be just another report about a thing that isn’t a thing. The fails to mention which emojis were used to call in that particular debt, but let’s assume we’re looking at the tequila-sunrise glass paired with the smiley face with a dollar bill for eyes and tongue, the better to add insult to injury.

The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission.

He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height (finally! First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust. Finally I made my selection: Il Corvo, an Italian place that sounded amazing. (It only served lunch.) At that point I had run out of time because I had a show to do, so I ended up making a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich on the bus.Pick Your Picture They say a picture is worth a thousand words.A selfie, on the other hand, is worth seventeen words. A lot rides on your username—more than you may think. If you have a boring name, like Herbert, you probably died alone during the Great Depression. However, drinking wine and painting a mug on a bad second date does not qualify you to be a painter of dating profiles. If you have a fun name, like a girl named Poppy, you’re probably crushing it out there. All of which would be good news if you knew how to paint.Try casting a wide net with an appealing and impossible balance of conflicting descriptors. You like to go out at night but you also like to go out at night.

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